In 2016, I received a call from the Kauai, Hawaii police department that my daughter had been murdered by her ex-husband who then killed himself in the presence of their nine-year-old daughter. On the flight there I experienced a complex and intense mix of emotions. These can include overwhelming guilt, profound sadness, and a deep sense of isolation these emotions turned into a wave of anger toward my ex-son-in-law, against the police department, and society. There was even a time that anger turned inward for not recognizing the signs and intervening to protect my daughter and ex-son-in-law. Then came the struggle with unanswered questions and "what if" scenarios. What if I had been there? What if I had stopped them from moving? What could I have done differently to prevent the loss of my daughter? Why would anyone do this? How does one’s mind get to that point?

This emotional turmoil was compounded by the same societal stigma that caused my ex-son-in-law not to seek help. This stigma made it hard to express my grief and seek support openly. I faced intense grief manifested in physical symptoms, such as fatigue, insomnia, and changes in appetite. This societal stigma was forcing me down the same dark road that caused my daughter's tragic death. By the time I realized I was on the dark road I then knew the path back to healing would be a long and challenging journey. The journey would require substantial emotional, physical, and community support with possible professional counseling. I had no idea where I was going to find these resources or help so I endured this journey as a solo rider powered only by the love for my granddaughter who had just lost everything. Toward the end of my trip, I knew action needed to be taken to help others, so together with other people struggling with their lives being affected by suicide we turned our focus on bringing Awareness to Suicide Prevention. 

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